I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
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She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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