this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
