pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she smelled like a LAN party
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
