Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
