OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
