I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
