Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
