My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
