This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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