Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
