told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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