The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and she was petting her beer can
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
