Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
