Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
