Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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