Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
