yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You've changed since you got that strap on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
