I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
