He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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