When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
