You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
