woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
