I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
