the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
