I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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