So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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