You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
