the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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