I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
