maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
