And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your dad touched me again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
