fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
