I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
high people should be assigned attendants
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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