I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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