conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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