I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
