i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
