Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
