and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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