i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
