that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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