'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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