John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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