And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
