i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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