how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
