he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
