ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I deserve this hangover.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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