Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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