Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
