Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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