They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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