Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
