90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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