A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
