Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
