That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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