when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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