Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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