He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
