this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Randomize
