I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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