It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
