if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
