Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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