come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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