I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
