I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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