I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
