This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
